


Too Many Drugs, Not Enough Trust

by emrys_knight_writer



Category: Chicago Med, Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Other, Sickfic, Stomach Pumping, Suicide, hurt comfort, suicidal, throwing up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-05 03:52:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13379568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emrys_knight_writer/pseuds/emrys_knight_writer
Summary: Jay takes way too many sleeping pills while having extreme difficulty sleeping. He overdoses and ends up in Chicago Med while everyone thinks he tried to end his life. He has to get everyone to see that it wasn’t what he meant to do. He might end up having to confront his PTSD in the process.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos to the absolute best beta: Marie! (the-wandering-whumper)

Jay’s ears are bombarded with screams and gunfire. Over the radio, he hears someone say that TOC is delaying exfil and there’s nothing they can do about it. He lays in bed, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling while listening to these traumatic memories play in his head.

He’s been taking sleeping pills on the more difficult nights but this one is different. This one is way worse than any of the others. He decides taking one or two extra shouldn’t be a big deal. He’ll just have a harder time getting up in the morning for work and he can handle that. He washes them down with the rest of his bottle of Jack Daniels. But ten minutes go by and they feel like an eternity and the pills haven’t kicked in yet. He grabs the bottle and pours a few more capsules out onto the side table and grabs one more. A few minutes pass and the first trio of pills finally seem to be kicking in. ‘One more won’t make a difference.’ He thinks. He starts to go for another pill when his heart begins to race. He knows something is wrong but before he can make the decision to get up, he slipped into unconscious. 

***

Will felt for his phone in his pocket. He looked around the livingroom and couldn’t see it. He walked towards the guest room to ask Jay if had any idea where it might be or if could use Jay’s phone to call his own. When he cracked the door open, he saw his brother, laying limp in the bed. He entered the room and walked through the space, looking around.

“Hey, sorry, man but have you seen my phone?” Will asked. No answer. “Jay, come on, I need to find my phone.”

He stopped walking and stared at his brother.

“Jay?” He moved around the bed and shook him. Jay let out a small groan. His breathing was shallow, startling Will. “Oh my... Jay!” 

He looked over to see the empty bottle surrounded by pills. He shoved his hand under Jay’s back and picked him up, with one of Jay’s arms around his shoulder, doing his best to keep his little brother from falling to the ground. He worked his way to the car and laid Jay in the passenger seat.

“What did you do?” Will said. Tears started to roll down his cheeks but he quickly brushed them away, getting in the driver’s seat. “You’re gonna be okay.” Will’s voice is now shaking. He stepped on the gas and sped towards Chicago Med. 

***

“Connor!” Will screamed. Dr. Rhodes’s head swung around, hearing the tone in Will’s voice, he ran towards the sliding doors, helping get Jay onto the gurney that some nurses were rolling towards them. They began pushing Jay into the emergency room as quick as they could, twisting and turning around walls and the reception desk. 

“Patient is Detective Jay Halstead. He’s overdosing on Benadryl. Estimated time of consumption is about half and hour to an hour ago,” Will said as they wheeled Jay into the emergency room. 

“Take him to Baghdad,” Connor said. He started directing the gurney towards the room. 

“Dammit, Jay,” Will said, looking at him, covered in medical equipment. He stared at Jay’s oxygen mask. It was a little comforting when he saw the mask fog up with every exhalation and clear up with every inhalation. That meant he was breathing. Breathing is good.

“How many pills did he take?” Connor asked.

“I-I don’t-I don’t know.” Will stuttered. He was getting more anxious with every passing moment. He knew exactly what was happening to Jay. He started to get lost in thought.

“Will,” Connor said.

“I said I don’t know!” Will yelled. 

“Alright!” Connor said, backing off, slightly. As he did, the entirety of the Chicago PD Intelligence Unit rushed in.

“When did he take them?” Ethan asked, walking up to the group.

“About half an hour to an hour ago,” Will replied, voice shaking. Connor nodded then rushed off to where they were taking Jay.

“Is he gonna be okay? What are they doing to him?” Adam asked.

“There’s no way of knowing yet,” Will said, crossing his arms. “They’re going to pump his stomach and try to flush all of the drugs out of his system and see what they can do from there.”

“What kind of drugs?” Voight asked.

“He took a bunch of sleeping pills,” Will said.

“Oh,” Hailey said.

“What?” Alvin asked.

“Well… Back when Jay and I were helping NYPD with a military related case,” Hailey explained, “he was wired when he went undercover. When he was waiting for the suspect to come in, he was talking to an ex SEAL. He didn’t know the wire was on, yet, and he was talking about how he had to start taking sleeping pills. He said he’d sit up at night and hear screams and gunfire. He said he was pissed that he had to take pills to stop hearing those things, only to have nightmares suffocate him until the next morning,” She paused, her eyes became glassy. “He said he was getting to a point where it was pointless to try to sleep.”

Everyone exchanged horrified looks. They were all thinking the same thing.

“You don’t think he…” Will started. He put his hands on the top of his head and paced for a moment.

“I don’t think he did. Jay did not try to kill himself,” Antonio spoke up.

“I mean, he’s been kinda-” Adam started before being interrupted by Hailey.

“No. He didn’t. I’m telling you that isn’t what he meant to do,” She shifted her stance. “He didn’t.”

***

“Jay, we’re going to have to pump your stomach,” Connor said. His patient was delirious and fighting the nurses. They turned him on his side, restraining him as best they could. They slid the tube down his throat and began securing it to his mouth. He tried to kick his feet but it wasn’t enough to do any real damage.

“This is going to feel a little uncomfortable,” Dr. Choi said. He proceeded to inject the saline into Jay’s stomach, making him fight even harder. Ethan began to pull the fluid from Jay’s stomach while he tried to free his arms from the nurses’ grasps. 

“Nurse Rhonda, when Dr. Choi finishes up the gastric lavage, get the charcoal and get him to ingest it,” Connor said. He began walking out of the room to talk to Will and the unit.

***

“So far, things are going as well as expected. He’s fighting but for people with his past, mental situation, and personality type, it’s common,” Connor said. “That and we didn’t sedate him so he’s scared.”

“Everything is being done correctly?” Will asked.

“You know it is,” Connor insisted.

“When will we be able to see him?” Hailey asked. 

“He’s not going to be done in there for about another fifteen minutes but after that, he should be awake either tonight or tomorrow. He’s going to be exhausted from everything, and given the fact that some of the medicine entered his bloodstream, it’s still going to affect him a little bit but we’ve got an IV going so it should be flushing everything out.” Connor answered. “Tomorrow, though.”

“I’m gonna say with him. I’ll call you guys when he wakes up,” Will said. 

“Do you want one of us to stay with you?” Hailey asked.

“We’ll be fine,” Will said. He walked with Connor to the room where Jay was going to sleep for the night.

***

“Alright, hand me the charcoal,” Choi said to the nurse. She handed him the bottle and the doctor poured some down Jay’s throat, injecting some water inside. “Clear.” Jay turned to the side and threw up into a bucket at the side of the bed. When he finished, he laid back, falling into a deep sleep.

“Let’s get him into a room,” Connor said, walking in, seeing they were done. They wheeled Jay into the room while Will watched.

“Man,” Will said, sitting down in the recliner next to the bed. He put his hands on his head, leaning back into the chair, looking on as Jay slept. He’d never seen his brother so peaceful before. He’d seen him asleep, sure, but not like this. He’d seen him passed out from drinking too much, lost in a terrible nightmare, knocked out, unconscious while bleeding out and a bunch of other ways. But none of them had looked like this. He’d never seen Jay look as vulnerable as he did right now and it brought Will to tears. Choi and Rhodes left the brothers alone for the rest of the night. Their only interruptions were nurses coming to check Jay’s vitals.

“What did you do? Did you mean to end it? Is that why you were fighting? Is all of this because of your PTSD? Is it because Erin left? Is it because of something that happened here, in Chicago?” He slid down into the recliner, staring at his baby brother, unconscious. He sighed. “Why, Jay?”

***

The next morning, sunlight attempted to flood the hospital room. The blinds were shut, keeping it out. Will had fixed it that way last night so Jay could sleep more and recover faster. Jay opened his eyes slightly, scanning the room. He jolted upright, clutching at his stomach.

“Oh man!” He shouted before doubling over the bed and puking into the bucket next to it. He slowly sat back up, breathing heavily. His eyes were barely open as he scanned the room.

“Hey. How you feeling?” Will asked, waking up, himself. “Do you remember anything from last night?”

“I feel like crap and I remember plenty from last night,” Jay said. “Why am I still here? Why didn’t they send me home?”

“Jay, you passed out. I couldn’t have brought you home like that. And you’re not leaving until psyche has a chance to talk to you,” Will said, standing.

“What?!” Jay yelled. “Are you kidding me?”

“Afraid not, detective.” Dr. Charles said, walking into the room.

“I accidentally took too many pills, and I’m fine. Little sick, but I’m good to go,” Jay said.

“You’re on suicide watch, Jay,” Will said, worried.

“What? Why? It was an accident,” Jay insisted. He tried to get out of the bed, but Will stopped him. “Dude, I’m not staying here. I wasn’t trying to kill myself so I don’t need to be on suicide watch. Simple as that.”

“Look, we have the best psychologists in Chicago. They’re going to talk to you and figure this whole thing out,” Will said.

“We don’t need to figure anything out because I wasn’t trying to kill myself. I just made a mistake,” Jay said, getting angrier with every passing moment.

“Hey, Jay.” Haley said, walking into the room with the rest of the unit.

“Hey, bro, how you feel?” Adam asked.

“Pissed!” Jay yelled, looking at Dr. Charles. “It was a damn accident and you want to keep me here against my will?”

“Did you have to tell him before we left?” Haley asked.

“Oh m-it wasn’t a suicide attempt! I just thought I could take more than I should have.” Jay said.

“Detective, if it really wasn’t an attempt, we’ll figure it out in due time.” Dr. Charles started. But before he could say anything else, Jay interrupted him, now fuming. 

“I’m fine! I’m not staying here while everyone asks me about my feelings and tries to find out every little thing going on inside my head!” Jay’s yelling could be heard down the hall, drawing the attention of the nurses. Connor made his way into the room.

“Look, with your PT-” Will started.

“Don’t say it! That isn’t what this is about!” Jay yelled.

“If that’s the case, detective, then we’ll figure that out. But for right now, we should just talk for a little while,” Dr. Charles said. “Maybe lower our voices…” Connor took Will outside while Jay and Charles were left to talk things out.

“I get where you guys are coming from, but I didn’t do this on purpose,” Jay said. He got up out of the bed, walking for his clothes.

“Detective…” Dr. Charles said.

“I’m just putting on my clothes. I hate this gown,” Jay said.

“Do you want to talk about anything?” Dr. Charles asked.

“If you really want to talk to someone, maybe you should ask my unit and my brother why they won’t believe me,” Jay said. He finished putting his shirt on and sat back in the bed. “I have a therapist, now, per the request of Voight and Hailey.”

“You said you get where everyone is coming from. Stay here for a little while longer. Just put their minds at ease,” Dr. Charles said. “Just talk to me a little bit. I’ll tell them you did.”

***

“I just can’t believe he tried to kill himself,” Will said.

“I’m not sure he did. You think his PTSD is a factor, but I think he’s been dealing with a lot of crap for a long time and he’s not letting anyone in. Try to get him to talk to someone,” Connor said. “Just my two cents.”

“Yeah. I mean, he’s talking to a therapist.” Will said. 

“There you go,” Connor said.

“He’s gotta stay. I’m gonna talk to him,” Will said. He opened the door, seeing Jay in bed with his clothes on, shaking Dr. Charles’s hand.

“I’ll stay until tomorrow,” Jay said.

“And we’ll talk again, tomorrow,” Dr. Charles said, walking past Will and Connor, out of the door.

“What did he say?” Will asked Jay.

“Not important,” Jay said. “I’m going to bed.” He slid further into the bed, pulling the covers over himself. Will and Connor left the room, letting him rest.

***


	2. Again? Freaking Again?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is wondering what’s going on in Jay’s head. Success is desired... Is it gained?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE PROBLEMS WITH OVERDOSE OR MENTIONS OF SELF HARM OR SUICIDE. 
> 
> Wolfypuppypiles helped motivate me so big thanks to her and absolute thanks to weepingwillows for being amazing, as well and helping me make this fic amazing!!!

*3 weeks later*

“Cameron Blye. Drug dealer, cop killer and possibly human trafficking ring runner,” Voight slapped the man’s picture on the whiteboard.

“Used to be in supermax but he was being moved to testify against his boss, Marshall Packer before he was killed. His transpo was hit and he got away,” Kevin wrote down the information under the photo.

“Blye was out of our jurisdiction and moving through town. He got caught on camera. He shot a kid for his bike. He killed a kid in my city. We’re finding him,” Every word sounding angrier than the last coming out of Voight’s mouth. Everyone nodded and began studying the board, coming up with ideas. Jay started lifting his feet up onto his desk before Hank spoke.

“My office,” Voight looked Jay dead in the eye. The detective arose from his seat and made his way into the office, closing the door behind him.

“We got a problem, serge?” Jay sat down, reluctantly, knowing the sergeant wasn’t happy about his accident.

“Yeah. We do,” Voight slipped a file towards Jay. The Chicago Med logo was in the top right corner, near his name. “Halstead, Jay.”

“My medical file. Look, that was an accident. It’s not gonna happen again, serge.”

“Make sure you keep that promise, you hear me?” Voight crossed his arms. Jay nodded, dropped the file back on Hank’s desk and left the room. Everyone made it a point not to stare as to upset either cop.

“Boss, looks like we got a location,” Adam walked out from behind his desk, into the open room. “Old crack house towards the end of South 87th Street and South Commercial Avenue.” 

“Grab your gear,” Voight didn’t say another word, moving towards the stairwell.

***  
“Chicago PD!” No answer. Voight nodded to Jay and he knocked down the door with the battering ram. The unit moved through the building, looking through every room.

“Clear!” Kevin, in the bathroom.

“Clear!” Adam repeated in the downstairs bedroom. Alvin and Voight cleared the upstairs. 

“I got him!” Jay bolted out the door towards Blye. They ran through alleyways, streets, and buildings before Jay finally lost him. “Dammit!”

“We’ll get him, Jay,” Hailey said. She pat him on the shoulder before starting to walk back towards the unit. The youngest Halstead sighed heavily, following his partner.

***  
A knock at the door forces Jay to get out of his comfortable spot on the couch and attempt to socialize while he’s tired and still angry about the case. When he unlocks and opens the door, he sees three large men standing outside and he quickly tries to close it before the one holds a steady hand out, keeping it from closing on them. 

Cameron steps from behind the men, showing his face. “Detective. I read a few of your files. I have people who are just amazing with computers. You wouldn’t believe what they can do. See, I figure if I take you down, your whole unit goes down with you. Then they’re taken off the case and the popo goes back to square one and I’m set.” 

Cameron’s henchmen tackle Jay to the ground. They hold him by the biceps and forearms while he continues to fight. Their fingers painfully dig into Jay’s arms, bruising his pale skin.

“You’re friggin’ insane,” Jay struggled against their tight, unbreakable hold. It must have struck a match because, in the blink of an eye, Cameron was right on top of Jay. He got within inches of his face.

“Oh yeah. I am. Makes me the best at what I do.” Blye took a needle, full of liquid, out of his back pocket. 

“What the Hell?” Jay fought against the restraint even harder, swinging his shoulders as best he could, dislocating his right arm. He cried out in pain as he continued to fight. His breathing was heavy from the exhaustion and pain.

“It’s such a shame to have to do this, detective Halstead. You are quite the looker. I could have set you up with my cousin or something.” Cameron plunged the needle into Jay’s arm. He cried out, once again, fearing what he was about to go through.

When the men noticed Jay’s apparent dazed and unfocused look in his eyes, they released their grips and started to leave the apartment. “I’ll see you at your funeral, detective. Hope your friends have a good photo for your obituary.”

“No…” Jay repeated the word as if it would change the situation. “No, no, no….” He crawled over to his coffee table to grab his phone. He dialed for the one person he knew could help him.”

“Yeah?” Will’s tone sounded irritated and impatient. “Dude I’m on call so make it quick.”

“I didn’t...It wasn’t me, Will, it-it wasn’t me,” Jay’s words began to slur. “Help.” He lost consciousness, forcing Will into a frantic pacing movement.

“Jay!” Will turned to Maggie. “Maggie, send an ambo to Jay’s place!” The noise of Will’s voice, through Jay’s phone, echoed in the apartment.

***  
In a short time, the paramedics rushed Jay’s apartment, setting him on a gurney and wheeling him out and into the emergency vehicle where Will was waiting. An oxygen mask and a few wires were hooked up to the youngest Halstead. 

“Dad?” Jay looked at the doors of the ambulance, eyes wide, fear evident.

“Dad’s not here, Jay. It’s just us,” Will grabbed his brother’s wrist, attempting to calm him.

“No!” Jay flinched, seeing his father jump at him, arms out and ready to choke the poor thing. He started to struggle but the paramedics managed to restrain him. Will and the medics watched as Jay fought. Luckily, he was slowly starting to lose consciousness.

“He’s not breathing.” Will’s eyes were wide and glassy, looking at the paramedic.

“I’m going to have to intubate,” The medic quickly began the procedure. As he finished up, Jay’s breathing evened out enough to make the two medical personnel comfortable.

When the ambulance stops, the doors swing open and Jay is wheeled back into the hospital. They take him right back into Baghdad to begin their work.

“We have a hemothorax,” Choi examined Jay with his usual precision.

“I’ll insert the chest tube while you get that blood drawn,” Dr. Manning began the process, knowing she wasn’t able to give Jay anything for the pain. Almost luckily, he was unconscious. “This may wake him up.”

“I’ll hold him down,” Will tried making his way into the room.

“Will. Right now, you need to let the doctors, here, work on your brother while you go wait in the other room,” Sharon said. “Right now, you are not a doctor. You are a family member and family members don’t work on patients in my hospital.” Will snapped his head to the side, looking her in the eye. He knew she wouldn’t let up but he desperately wanted to help his brother. He didn’t want anybody calling security and he knew he wouldn’t be allowed in so he reluctantly complied, even though he was incredibly close to running in to assist.

“Will.” Maggie grabbed his arm and lead him into an empty examination room. She started to close the curtain before he stopped her.

“Thank you,” He crossed his arms, trying to keep his pride before fully breaking down. She nodded and closed the curtain, allowing him to fully process his situation, break down in private, whatever you want to call it. She knew he needed it.

***  
“You can see him, now. He’s in the ICU and he’s going to be there for a while. His heart stopped while he was in there,” Choi poked his head in the room. Will nodded his head and nearly sprinted down the hall towards the elevators. He stepped in and frantically pressed the button to the floor his baby brother was on.

“You gonna be okay?” Natalie’s voice came from behind him. He nearly jumped out of his scrubs at the fact. “I-I’m sorry?”

“Sorry, I just… My mind is just…” Will rubbed his bicep, trying to cover for what had just happened, but he decided it was pointless.

“I get it.” Natalie nodded.   
The doors opened and Will backed out of the car, into the ICU bay, giving her a pathetic attempt at a smile.

When he finally made it to his brother’s room, it was like the earth stood still. Seeing him with the oxygen mask on, with all of those wires covering his body, the arm sling, and the chest tube still inside… It was almost too much. But he would make it just like he always does. Hell, he’s too stubborn not to. The contrary son of a bitch.

***  
Two weeks later and they’ve moved into a smaller room, out of the ICU. Will sat in the recliner next to Jay’s bed. “You say you don’t want help but this looks like a cry for help if I’ve ever seen one, man.” Will looked at his unconscious brother. “How am I gonna trust you saying you’re fine if you keep acting like you’re not?”

“You just might.” Natalie walked into the room. “You know how he is. He looks at you with those beautiful blues and you want to believe every word.”

“I can’t, this time. He really did try.”

“You’re kidding, right? Because that’s not something you joke about, Will.”

“What? Of course, I’m not kidding. Why would you ask me that?”

“Look at his shoulder. It’s dislocated. How, or better yet, why would he have done that if he’d purposely overdosed? Why are there handprints on his arms?” She gestured to Jay’s bruises.

“I-I don’t know.” Will tried to think for a moment before being interrupted.

“I’m just saying it’s a little weird. You should call his unit and figure out what happened to him because you and I both know he didn’t do this.” Natalie started making her way out of the room. “I was just checking in on you two. I’ll bring you some dinner, later. Y’know… so you can stay with him. He needs you, Will.” The oldest Halstead nodded with the slightest smile. It was the only one he had, at this point.

***  
Will had called the unit and explained the situation, practically quoting Dr. Manning word for word. He hung up, he went back into Jay’s room while he slept. Well, sleep was a word for it. He had been intubated because according to one of Jay’s nurses, “His lungs are practically going on strike after the overdose and resuscitation.”

“Hey, man. Everyone’s been asking how you are. I’ve been telling them you’re doing better than yesterday every day. It’s stupid, really. It sounds like something you’d say.” Will laughed while he sat down in the recliner next to Jay’s bed. “But the funny thing is… It’s the truth. Stronger every day. It looks like you’re getting closer to extubation with every passing minute so that’s good, you know?”  
It’s like the two had rehearsed it. Their script would have Will say that, and the second he did, Jay would execute his part. And boy did he ever deliver. He struggled in the bed, eyes snapping open. The blues in his eyes were clear, as wide as they were. Will called out for help, as he tried to calm his baby brother. “It’s okay, Jay. You’re safe. You’re at Chicago Med.”

Nothing could extinguish the fire that his fear was creating. Jay started to reach for his tube before Will put as much weight as he thought safe on Jay’s arms. The nurses ran in, quickly making sure to sedate the detective. He slowly stopped fighting against Will’s hold and the intrusive tube in his throat, becoming limp in the bed.

Will let out a big sigh, falling back into the recliner. “Well, at least you woke up.”

***  
When Jay finally woke up for longer than a few minutes, Will was ready to talk. He started to open his mouth before Jay blurted out a few words of his own.

“Will, I didn’t do this.” Jay sat up in his bed a little with a wince. Will opened his mouth once more, but Jay interrupted. “I promise, Will, I didn’t. The first time was just an accident but this time, somebody broke in my place and the dude was friggin crazy and I tried to stop him, I promise, but I couldn’t and the guys he had holding me down were so big and I dislo-”

“Jay!” Will stood at the end of the bed with his arms crossed. Jay decided to stay quiet. Let the onslaught of pain come flooding from his brother’s mouth. “I know. Natalie pointed a few things out and I called your unit. They got the guys who did it. But there’s still one thing.”

“What?”

“I want you to talk to Dr. Charles. And your therapist.”

“I thought you said you knew I didn’t do this crap on purpose.” 

“I do. It’s just that I think it’d be good. Please, Jay?” 

The youngest Halstead let out a sigh, rolling his eyes. “Fine. Fine. Only for a little while, though. Then I’m done.”

“Good enough for me. I think you’ll like it.”

“Mhm. Right.” Jay’s sarcasm irritated Will a little bit, but if he was completely honest, he was just happy his brother was awake so that he could actually use that sarcasm. He’d never let Jay go it alone. Never.


End file.
